


The Swimmer

by orphan_account



Series: Poems of Louis and Harry [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, a poem about our favourite lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-04-06
Packaged: 2018-03-21 14:46:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3696272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is someone else, over  there, I said. </p><p>He didn´t move, he kept staring at the sky with that lazy, peaceful grin. Well, I advise you not to look. –And then: I wouldn´t even be able to keep looking, by the way. I lie here like a stone between the stones of the beach, like dust on the bottom of the universe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Swimmer

It didn´t happen with a purpose, there was no appointment, it was just how things were. Harry leading the way, me immediately following, we stumbled upon jagged rocks and abandoned pebbly beaches to the point where we reached a place where no human could be found. An extremely exhausting journey, also because the sea was so loud that we had to scream to understand each other. There was a whirlwind and there was no sun at all and I was already regretting that we didn´t just stay in town; what could we possibly be doing here that wasn´t just as gloomy?

But then we stood still, both panting like refugees, and while I, disgruntledly, dismayedly looked around me, first over the sea, then over the rocky landscape, I heard him say: This is where we lie, this is where we are at peace. –And he lay himself down, sprawled on the tiny pebbly beach, fixing his gaze on the dark sky. Here, he added, here you can forget that there are people other than you and I, here you are exactly between the world and the sea, a Nobody´s World. Don´t think about anything else now. Listen to sea and stare into the universe, there is nothing more wholesome. 

–I didn´t lie down, I sat down, rigid, upright, like I was ready to jump up and continue to walk. I said: Wholesome! That´s what you said, right? –The waves roared towards us and the universe looked somber. But when I turned my head and looked at his face, I saw that he was grinning, he was sure that he was wiser than I. 

Why wouldn´t I lie down, here, between the low rocks, sheltered from the wind, in a place so lonely that human fortunes seemed like a lifetime away? Why wouldn´t I do it, to my own salvation? –In such a lonely place, was it really just the two of us? I spied around and immediately discovered that, maybe 300 feet away, there was someone else. I couldn´t have found out earlier, because they must have undressed themselves behind one of the large rocks and now I saw them walk into the water. 

There is someone else, over there, I said. He didn´t move, he kept staring at the sky with that lazy, peaceful grin. Well, I advise you not to look. –And then: I wouldn´t even be able to keep looking, by the way. I lie here like a stone between the stones of the beach, like dust on the bottom of the universe. –And without sparing me as much as a simple glance Harry searched for my hand and said: Follow my lead, it is beautiful, not doing anything, not thinking anything, just existing… And while he kept holding my hand: Like that, there is nothing that can touch me and nothing that I am afraid of losing… Except for: Be stone with the stones, a piece of dust in the universe. 

But that sounded like a command, like a redeeming spell as a secret of the nature around us, it had no meaning to me. I stayed who and what I was, I stayed my lonely self and watched out over the sea and land. 

I saw: The swimmer had almost reached the water. He walked cautiously, the pebbles and rocks must have been hurting him, and then he stood still, hesitating. The water, of course, was ice-cold and the waves had an extreme suction force. 

Listen, how many pebbles are taken with the sea, with a piercing sound, like massive trucks at the same time! It was beyond maniacal to go swim with the weather like this… 

You can´t do it, I heard next to me, you keep sitting and staring. As long as there is someone around, you will not be at peace. –He stroked my hand: I would almost think that you´re madly in love with human beings. –O, that, I don´t know, I said. 

(This morning, for example, he went on and on about it, in the shop and then in the restaurant, and I was thinking the same thing. -Really? And why would that be?)

–Oh, of course you know, he said and then he stopped moving his hand. 

(Of course, we had exchanged a look of understanding, first about the woman behind the counter who had done everything incorrectly, the weighing, the paying, because god, she had been so scared of he man who had been looking at her with icy hilarity and petty hatred in his eyes, judging every move she made… and after that, about the child in the dining room who had followed his mother´s commands like his life depended on them. And oh, the tough French voice and the cautious, obedient behaviour that only dogs can have. But all right, a look of understanding, what does that even say? Surely, it doesn´t mean that we understand each other? And he, next to me, is so different from me. My opposite: Harry could, if he had to, laugh while the rest of univere was crying.) 

But you, he said suddenly, you are always the victim of your own fantasy, you immediately see a whole life behind an unknown incident; you see the grocer´s woman and the child lacking of love, you see how they starve mentally, how they are tormented, are brought to madness and eventually, how they die like beasts. –I looked over the sea. No, I said without throwing my gaze off the sea, no, that is not how it is, such a melodramatic story, however much it would be true, I didn´t fantasise about. But how it really is, that is difficult to say. 

Meanwhile, I saw the swimmer struggling with the surf. Purposefully, determined; he dove under the high onrushing waves, swam three, four strokes and dove again. It was a beautiful battle of violence against wisdom. In a moment he would be through the dangerous surf and then he would be in an area where the sea could barely be called a sea anymore; it reminded me of a whirl of mighty reptiles, toxic green with wind waves… 

And meanwhile I felt that he, next to me, started stroking my hand again and I heard him say: Am I mistaken? What went through your mind? 

–I pulled away my hand, because it was a possibility that he would laugh and that is why I didn´t look at him when I said: What bothered me was the mentatily of the two others rather than the fate of their victims… I don´t know if you understand me. 

Harry laughed, aloud. Of course, Louis say it! Don´t be scared of a word the whole world is already at war with. Love! We need more love! The grocer´s woman would instantly feel safe and she would weigh and pay like the best of them! And the little boy wouldn´t be living as though he were in a concentration camp, but he would be playing outside with all the other little boys! –He laughed again, not maliciously, but confident, amused, because it was yet again proof of how well he knew me, better than I knew myself if I had to believe him. 

I moved so that my face was right in front of his and I curltly said: You think I am an idiot but you are mistaken again. I am not talking about love, I know when and what to be careful about. I only think about a bit of reasonable attention, not out of love for one another (that is too much to ask, way too much), but only to make life livable. Listen – I changed my tone then because I really meant what I was about to say – just a tiny bit of attention for each other by way of human decency, cultivated as a habit, just that, what do you think the world would look like?

I looked at him and saw very well that he was struggling not to laugh and could only just contain himself. Ultimately, he was quite fond of me too. And that´s why he affectionately caressed my face with his hand while he said with a trembling voice, trembling from holding back his laughter: Oh, the world would be a paradise. No mortal would feel like a sheep along wolves, no mortal would fear anymore. But then he quickly pulled my face towards him, pressed his cheek against mine and whispered: But do you know that the world could never, never be like that? Isn´t that unfortunate, my love! What do you imagine? It would be like “We see each other” rather than “God sees us”. Imagine that! 

And truly, then it became too much for him and he burst out laughing. I made another attempt, I said: And why not? –But he kept laughing, without maliciousness, maybe even warmly, but I couldn´t bear it any longer; he was laughing about one of my dearest views. 

So I sat up, and as soon as I stood a wind jumped at me as though it had been waiting for me and I found myself amidst a howling storm. I braced myself and began to walk, and him behind me, shouting: Louis, crazy lovely Louis, you´re not angry, are you! –I shook my head, no, I wasn´t, but why did he continue to laugh? Was I ridiclous! Of course not, but do you know what, my lovely Louis, I am too cynical and you are too good, believe me, that´s it… 

And so I walked along the beach and the high waves roared toward me like they were angry and behind the waves was a sea that looked like a whirl of hissing reptiles, and so I walked about 300 feet, until I suddenly stood still, and he, behind me, did too.

In front of my feet lay the clothes of the swimmer. And even before I began peering over the sea, the abandoned water desert, I knew. They were nowhere to be seen. They hadn´t been swimming for a long time, they floated deep under the turbulent waves in a silence that we call absolute or forever. But he who stood next to me didn´t look up. He stayed motionless, as if mesmerised and kept looking, as if mesmerised at the hopeless pile of clothing… Until I said: We have to report this immediately. It was only then that he started moving again, but without looking at me. He had to have pitied me quite deeply to look past my distress and not comment on it. And that, of course, is why Harry stood outside to wait when I went to report that I had seen a man swimming, but that at the very moment that he must have drowned, he had escaped my attention.

**Author's Note:**

> by anna blaman, a darling.


End file.
